“The key to realizing a dream is to focus not on success but significance, and then even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning.” – Oprah Winfrey
As a child, I always believed that money and fame are the benchmarks for success.
Definitely, I was wrong.
My ultimate dream was to become a famous writer. I started small that I always think I am insignificant in the world of talented artists. I wanted to make money. I wanted to be famous. But where is the want to be a writer? Merely the instrument to help me get there. In that very moment I realised that famous and writer are two different things. But famous and money are the same business.
I used to believe I will never make a piece worthy of somebody else’s time except my own, because every time I read my works I feel the joys and the pains. However, will it deliver and convey the same meaning when somebody read them in their own points of view?
I continued to write anyway.
I used to write them anywhere—in my mathematics notepad, in one of the pages of my spelling book, or at the back of the calendar. When class is boring, expect that I finished another poem. When I’m alone all day, I would watch sad movies and then write my realisations and learnings afterwards.
It continued in that cycle of writing and losing and finding myself. It was the only way I could shut down the demons inside my head. Back then, I always write to pacify myself or save myself out of potential depression. And, thankfully I did. Writing has always been my protector and refuge.
It was a battle I thought I had to go through alone. But I made friends, and through them I felt a drop of help. Actually, friends played two significant roles in my life, my trigger and my life support. Sometimes, they’re the reason of my sadness but many a times, they’re the ones who kept me from falling. The fight did not become easier, that’s for sure, but it did become more manageable.
There are days of weakness, its inevitable. I followed sinful commandments inside my head. I succumbed into their temptations that they manifested into my writings. These are times of total infestation, and all I could ever offer was pride, greed, hate and dishonesty.
Every defeat is a total mess.
But as time goes by, I learned to take control of my writing. I managed to suppress and eventually shut down my devils. It is not guaranteed, however, that they will be prisoned in the vessel forever but as long there is love, there is strength and will to win.
And love will always win.
My journey is very steady but at the same time adventurous. If you do not know yet, but to explore a single person’s mind is to spend the rest of your life trapped inside the quantum universe, if for example that is actually true. A person’s mind is endless and wide and expansive and powerful. It was the greatest place to lose yourself into, indeed.
As a writer, I needed to extinguish the corruption I established inside my mind. Much of it were deeply rooted so I had to take control. My heart also has its own corruption acquired from the forces outside. It was easier to take control of my heart. Little by little I slowly took control and have them exist in harmony.
I wholeheartedly wanted to take writing as my career, however, I pursued a degree in accountancy since we’ve been faced with financial challenges. Thankfully, through people’s help I passed the CPA licensure examination. It is then that I decided to pursue writing as my passion and accounting as my profession (I literally included this line in my resignation letter from my previous company). What a laugh, but seriously, I’m more than serious.
Writing, accompanied by sadness, has become my saviour and pacifier as I have mentioned. But most importantly, it has become my way of life.
In the present time, I learned to value every literary works I produce because they are not only a reflection of myself but an attempt to influence. I will always celebrate every success no matter how little they are and will always take courage to stand over failures. A short story, a single paragraph, a sentence, and even a single word– I will never know the impact it can convey to people so I will always strive to take comfort in this truth.
Moving forward, I will continue to write, not only to save or calm myself but for the greater purpose of influencing people. I believe this has been the gift that I received from above to be able to make a mark on people’s lives.
I take solace in the fact that this gift has opened a lot of doors for me.
Poetry will be my way to help people redeem themselves from everything that’s keeping them to appreciate their worth. I want each individual to appreciate their unique characteristics and believe in their own capabilities. It would be a long journey for sure but it would also be worthwhile.
I envision to establish a community of respect, acceptance, discipline and appreciation.
We are all beautiful no matter how broken, after all.
And it only takes the right attitude to be capable of appreciating how every person was made wonderful.
Come join me in this journey!
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