Have you ever experienced being in a situation where you feel like you can’t say no?
In this aspect we will cover the three main people forcing us to say yes most of the time—seniors at work, friends, and family.
It’s very common especially in the workplace to feel like you can’t say no from a senior’s commands. I have a personal experience regarding this that when I tried to reason out why I had to say no it was trashed and my flexibility was put into question. Now here is me leaving a bad impression just because I had to say no.
Not being able to say no is also common to group of friends. When they invite me to hang out in the coming weekend, I can’t easily say no even at times where I needed me time because I’m starting to drain myself already or I don’t have extra money to use. I still go hang out with them because they’re my friends.
We are also victims by not being able to say no to our parents. When they ask for extra money, when they push you to get a flat-screen tv, when they tell you to come home or when they want you to buy something for your younger sibling that you think is a waste of good money.
Oh, how hard it is to disobey or worse, hurt your parents’ feelings!
But you can actually say no, when you really need to.
It’s okay to disappoint your seniors at work but do not be so willing to disappoint yourself. Say no to unpaid overtime, actually, say no to overtime as much as possible. You deserve to live your life in the weekdays and not on the weekends. Cut the culture where you spend all weekdays exhausting yourself to death and then go somewhere on weekends. You’re quite lucky if that’s the case. I know so many people who sleep and rest instead because they are so tired to even go outdoor or hang out with friends or family indoor.
A healthy life is where saying no is always an option.
You can say no to your friends. If they truly are your friends, they’ll understand. Learn to communicate to them why you can’t make it. Be honest about the reasons and they’ll surely be okay with that. It’s better than telling them you’ll come and end up not coming in the end. They want to see you, that’s a consideration, but you can tell them you could meet them some other time but not now.
One of the hardest persons to disappoint is our parents. In our culture, we always want to give them what we think we owe them. Firstly, we owe them nothing except our life alone. I’m not trying to say that we should not give importance to our parents’ hardships on raising us. It is our moral responsibility to love our parents back just as they love us. Whatever we give to them must come from love and gratitude only and not from the feeling of indebtedness.
My point here is, you do not owe them the money and time they invested in you. It is their responsibility from the beginning.
You owe nothing because you should give them anything for free just as they should give you your basic and other needs for free.
Say no to your parents when they request from you something you can’t afford or even if you can but it is not something worth acquiring for you. Buy them what they need instead. But of course, focus on their happiness too. Give enough attention on balancing your parents’ satisfaction and your means. It’s okay to give your parents moderately what they want if you are willing enough because you have extra cash. There’s no problem with that.
But remember to say no when you think you need to. If you continue to give them what they request from you, it will become a trend and as it goes long it will become harder to stop them.
Set your limit and stay within that limit.
For example, you’re giving them 5000php semi-monthly. Then they requested to swipe your card for groceries and other things which you will be paying out of your own money amounting to 2,000php. The right way to manage your finances in this situation is deducting the expense from groceries and give only the remaining amount of 3,000phpin the next cut-off date. If they ask, tell that the grocery was deducted since you have no extra money to cover that expense. This way, expectation has been set both ways.
As you may have already became aware, saying no is mostly associated to time and money.
Your time is very precious so as not to waste it on making excessive overtime hours at work. Your time for yourself or lack of finances is more necessary than going out on weekends with friends. Your money has been set aside for good investments rather than anything your parents ask you to buy.
I know that friends and family are more important than money. But let’s face it. We need to put our money in proper boxes. It is your hard work that gets you to have that money so you have the choice to do whatever you want to do with it. It is not right to disappoint yourself just so you could not disappoint someone else.
You take have full control of your time. Spend it wisely, as you can never bring back any once wasted.
At the end of the day, we have to weigh our decisions. We have to lay down our expectations and our limits to our colleagues, friends and family. Taking work into consideration, let’s just make it a principle to render as maximum the minimum hours required. No going beyond that except when absolutely necessary.
There is more to life than all the yeses. There is so much more experiences to discover in the nos. Don’t be a yes man. Just be a man.
That is enough.
Say yes. Say no. Be real.
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